By: Eman Mudassar Tarar
The definition of domestic violence has been extended to include verbal, emotional, economic and sexual abuse. Of all the crimes in the world, domestic violence has the highest repeat rate. “It was just a slap”; “This happens in every house”, and “she must have done something to provoke him”. How many times have you heard people justify domestic violence against women? Emotional harassment, demand for dowry, physical violence, and sexual violence. All these categories fall under domestic violence. It is a broad topic with many layers. It can be physical violence which includes hitting and other bodily harm. Sexual assault is also a form of domestic violence. It can also be psychological, which can be an insult communicated verbally or controlling every aspect of a person’s life. Another form of domestic violence is economic such as monitoring a person’s access to money and keeping them financially dependent.
Till the late 20th century, most legal systems did not recognize domestic violence as a crime. A 1967 international training manual for police even stated that domestic violence arrests should only be made as a “last resort”. Courts saw it as a “family problem” which should be resolved privately. Most police forces did nothing to protect women against domestic violence. This changed only with the second wave of US feminist movement in the late 60s and 70s which focused on the criminalization of domestic violence and popularized the slogan “we will not be beaten”. At the same time, the autonomous women movements raised awareness on the issues of violence against women to make cruelty by a woman’s husband or in-laws a punishable offence. But despite these progressive shifts in the laws, domestic violence remains highly prevalent. In fact, research shows that 42% of men and 52% of women believe it is reasonable for a man to beat his wife but why? Presently in our society, women are glorified for adhering to patriarchal gender norms and those who rebel against it are usually punished or mocked. All violence is non-consensual. Then why is rape worthy of capital punishment and when it comes to domestic violence we say “No please stick with him. He will be okay. You will be fine”. Society’s response and the stigma of a “divorced”, and “weak” woman further contribute to women not speaking up.
Domestic violence stems from a systemic problem with power dynamics within families. Girls are socialized into believing that keeping their husbands and in-laws happy is an essential part of their marital duties. While for men, marriage is often framed as bringing someone into the family whose primary role is to take care of them. Men’s control over their wives post-marriage is socially sanctioned. In fact, research shows that not taking permission from the husband before performing a simple task like going out or talking on the phone is one of the most common reasons men give for inflicting domestic violence. And these power dynamics are reinforced in seemingly harmless ways. Notions like “it’s a private matter” or it’s between husband and wife” are used to further strengthen a man’s control over his wife by preventing her from building a support system. It’s little surprise that women in crises have nowhere to turn. 75 % of women who are subjected to domestic violence don’t seek help. Judges and law enforcement officers who operate with the same social lens often sympathize with men in the interpretation of the law.
Apart from fundamental rights, some specific provisions to ensure the rights of women have also been incorporated in directive principles of state policy. However, despite constitutional protection and several legislations, gender discrimination and injustice continue to occur. This is mainly because those who enforce the laws or interpret do not always fully share the philosophy of gender-justice concept. Police officials held a high degree of patriarchal belief and inequitable perceptions regarding the gender roles of women. Multiple linear regression analysis, controlling for key socio-demographic variables, demonstrated a statistically significant association between the police officers’ patriarchal beliefs and their perceptions of gender equity.
Challenging domestic violence then is not just about questioning the physical act of violence. It is about dismantling the structural disempowerment women face within their marriages and families. Through art and activist movements online and offline, feminists are doing exactly that. They are raising questions about male entitlement in households, about women being raised as “meek compromisers”, about violence being hushed up within four walls, about women having the right to live dignified lives within and outside their homes. Because even if it is “just one slap”, it is simply unacceptable. It’s high time for authorities to take strict action against this heinous act to avoid catastrophic consequences down the road.
Popular culture reinforces the idea that for a woman to be “good”, she must make sacrifices for her family, prioritizing other’s needs over her own. She can be the overworked “mother” constantly caring for the demanding kids, the devoted “wife” who lets go of her own professional pursuits to support her husband’s career and the chaste “widow” who sacrifices her own desires for the sake of her family’s honor. Studies show that this expectation of sacrificing for their families is so overwhelming that women in the paid workforce carry a deep-seated guilt at neglecting their responsibilities at home. Their dual role in the domestic and public spheres referred to as the “second shift” by scholars makes them feel like bad mothers, selfish wives and absentee daughters for not sacrificing enough of their own needs for others. However, this does not just take an emotional toll but a recent UN report shows that “In countries facing conflict and hunger, women often eat last and least sacrificing their health for their families”. Women also do at least two-and-a-half times more unpaid care work and domestic work at home than men do even when they are also doing paid work outside. And when they do earn an income, women choose to reinvest 90% of their resources back into their families because spending on their own selves seems “wasteful”. But why do we end up valorizing the role of a sacrificing woman? This makes women devalue their needs and reconciles them to their own oppression. While we need to undo and be critical of society’s valorization of women’s sacrifices, that doesn’t mean we should dismiss the ideal of sacrifice “altogether”. We should actually draw from women’s experiences and roles to rebuild cultures so that we can actually facilitate people’s abilities to care and sacrifice for others. So maybe, instead of expecting women to make sacrifices because of their gender, lets reframe sacrifice as a virtue everyone ‘aspires’ to but no one is ‘burdened’ to perform.
The writer is a student of International Relations at Quaid-e-Azam University, Islamabad and can be reached at [email protected].